Three Rs

Fall affords us the opportunity to create, adjust or cement rhythms. Rhythms can be the daily routines that help us get our kids to school, us to work, and everyone home safely. But rhythms can also be those precious moments in between—those rituals—which remind us that, despite the routines and busyness of modern parenting and working life, life can be full of simple pleasures.

I prefer Fall as a time to revisit routines and rituals. Somehow the New Year feels slightly contrived; whereas the Fall is real. It is a splash of cold water on the face after drifting blissfully through summer. It is like the Polar Bear Club’s final summer chant:

“Wake up! Summer is over. Back to the desk. Back to school. Back to life!”

Routines and Rituals: The distinction
Whether returning to work, our kids to school, or both, now is an opportune time to re-assess and re-organise how you see the next season rolling out. Depending on your child’s age, they may be starting a more structured school for the first time, or entering a new grade school. Depending on your own work situation, you may be facing a more regular weekly return to the communal office. Whatever the circumstance, routines are the structure for our days. Routines can help to smooth work and child transitions by putting the entire family on the same page, thereby offering stability and predictability. Routines are important for stress and anxiety reduction, especially if kids are making big transitions.

I see rituals, on the other hand, as the glitter sprinkled on top of our routines—helping us avoid hitting that snooze button three times, and putting our day on the right track. Increasingly for me as a working mom, rituals have become both sacred and simple at the same time. They don’t take much time but put a big smile on my face. Rituals are the small moments you carve out for yourself in the day that have absolutely nothing to do with anyone but you. Rituals should bring you joy and help you put your right foot forward for the day.

Today I thought I’d share a few tips on routines and some inspiration on rituals to help you on your way this Fall.

Routines
Those who follow this newsletter know I love routines. Whether you are about to give birth or managing a household with several teenage kids, routines are invaluable. I encourage new parents to establish them from Day 1—both to create co-parenting responsibility with your partners but also for the well-being of your child. In those early days routine is as simple as a consistent Feed, Play, Poop and Sleep cycle. Out of those early months will emerge longer awake periods which can be filled with regular outings to parks, visits with friends, and just getting out of the house. This structure is not only good for our babies—it helps mommas in those first few months to have milestones in the day (hopefully out of the house) which contribute to easing of post partum depression. From day time routines will come regular bath and bedtimes, nap times, and the like, all serving the same purpose: to help you bond with your baby and reinforce their trust in you.

Routines not only provide consistency to children (which is critical to them thriving) but routines also reduce social conflicts in the household and establish a commonly understood order to the day. Given that now I will be going into the city regularly twice a week, that my husband is flying away more frequently again, and that our son is starting a new school with new start and end times, getting the routine down on paper is key to us all getting where we need to on time.

In our household we have one tool which helps us organize routine: the whiteboard. We’ve been using one for the past two + years, and I find it works pretty well. Near the end of each month, my husband and I sit down and do the whiteboard together. Purple is Clyde’s school drop off and pick up times. Green is any extracurricular. Orange is my husband’s flying including when he lands back in DC. Black is my office days. Red is social events. As much as possible we do the calendar every month together to establish shared responsibility. Just this past weekend, even Clyde participated. He was reading the calendar and noticed we had forgotten to mark down “buying fish for new fish tank.” He got out a marker and put it on the board.

I know other households who prefer a shared digital calendar—most people I polled use Google. Or you could just create one on your phone using an app that can be shared with your partner. In researching for this newsletter, I came across this article which reviewed the top 15 calendar apps for parents/families. I haven’t tried any of them yet so can’t speak from a personal experience but the reviews are pretty straightforward.

The advantage of a digital or app calendar is that if you are on the move, you can pull up the master calendar anywhere to consult it (and amend it) whereas, obviously, the whiteboard stays at home. The disadvantage is that if your child is old enough to want to participate in calendar ownership, but does not have access to a phone or IPad, you are effectively pre-empting their ability to share in the responsibility of routine management. I don’t have a good solution to this yet. My husband wants a shared digital calendar (which makes sense since he is on the move a lot) but I also love having something physically hanging in the house. But we are going to trial one of the calendar apps reviewed in the link above and I will let you know how it goes!

With routines can also come responsibility. Since Clyde is now entering Grade 1, we’ve upped his before and after school tasks. He knows that once he comes down in the morning, he feeds the dogs and lets them out in the side yard. Once home from school, his first jobs are unloading his school lunch, hanging his backpack up, feeding the dogs, setting the table for dinner and reading a book for 25 minutes. Once he’s done all that, he can play. This type of simple routine gives a bit of structure to the end of the day and teaches him about responsibility. Whatever age (say 4 years and up) and whatever task (big or small), it all adds up to independent little beings—which is a good thing these days!

Rituals
Maintaining routines requires a little help from rituals. Mine is the early morning rise. For others it might be the late night lull. I love the quiet of the house in the morning, the space it affords my mind to wander and create, and the luxury of time I have just for me. My morning ritual consists of a little yoga, a little writing, and then getting physically ready. I wanted to share with you a few things on the physical getting ready side that are really bringing me joy right now.

For a few years now I’ve been using face oil for my skincare. Washing my face and applying the oil takes no more than 20 seconds—super important factor for a working parent! The second product in my ritual these days is Vital Skin from Gucci Westman’s clean beauty line. I am not a makeup person. I have very sensitive skin and could never use anything on my face until I came across Gucci’s stuff 2 years ago. The latest product here is a combination of moisturizer and concealer. It is absolutely simple to use (5 seconds) and, like all her products, I’ve had zero reaction. And this latest product’s bottle is made from cane sugar derivative (i.e., no plastic) (BTW if you are wanting to know more about micro plastics and our oceans watch Gucci’s interview with scientist and activist XX here).

Rhythms
Whether your routines are paper-based or digital, and whether your rituals are morning or evening, look to strike a balance with each. Our lives need in some ways to revolve around calendars and clocks (see newsletter on clocks) but we can also tune in with ourselves through very simple rituals in short doses during the day. Rituals help us be grounded in ourselves beyond the day-to-day.

Wishing everyone a successful start to Fall!