How are you doing?

 

Such a simple question. But how often do we ask this of ourselves, our partners, our children or our friends? 

 

The question felt especially relevant to me this past weekend as I learned of the deaths of three close colleagues working with me in Africa. Their deaths add to the one loss already of a colleague in the Fall of 2020. All due to COVID-19. 

 

I was reminded that though we are making strides in the United States to vaccinate our population, many parts of the world continue to face the immediate health impacts of the pandemic with very few resources at hand. The on-going losses of life remind us of how very real this crisis is. In the words of a colleague, “It is vile.”

 

Back here in North America, some parts of Canada have (re)shutdown. A text from a girlfriend in Manitoba this week wrenched my heart as she described the isolation she’s feeling (yet again). She and another friend of mine had recently been freed from the winter lockdown, and now both are back to closed schools and zero contact outside the family. In both their cases, my friends have strong relationships with her partners and resilient children. With help from friends, I know they will get through it.

 

But what of others, without community? Passing through a town in Pennsylvania some months back, I read in the local newspaper of a father who took the lives of his wife and daughter before taking his own. The daughter’s school and town health professionals were monitoring the daughter prior to the crisis due to domestic and drug abuse problems reported in the family. But with the closure of schools and social distancing, contact with these important structures in the community were severed. 

 

If our own situations are not so tragic, I am sure that many of us can relate to general feelings of tension, frustration, isolation, and stress from the months of problem-solving the crisis has placed on us and our loved ones. Friends who never spoke of things before have related of benign marital tensions (“We are all under the same roof ALL THE TIME!”) to more serious things like partners with pre-existing mental health issues being triggered by all that COVID-19 is bringing into our work and personal lives. It amazes me that even with our closest friends, it can take a lot for us to speak. That friend’s WhatApp the other night was a beautiful example of what friendship is: to just reach out. 

 

This past Saturday, Enuma Okoro wrote in her FT Weekend article on the power of laughter; of how she’s been using stand up comedy (Trevor Noah, Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle) to release the messy emotions she’s been feeling in the lead up and aftermath of Derek Chauvin’s verdict. I relate entirely to her thirst for laughter. Whether the deaths of my colleagues, or the mundane sadness of indefinite WFH, I find myself at times experiencing these indescribable, almost intangible feelings. There really is no taxonomy to describe them. 

 

In my ‘office’ life, it’s taken this crisis to realize that I can just say “no” to new tasks, as a means to mitigate emotional overwhelm; or that I too could do with someone to talk to who is not my husband. Most refreshingly I’ve learned that sometimes the best thing is to just laugh. However, my inspiration has not been from legendary comedians; rather it’s been from my husband. He has this insane knack of ‘laughing’ our son out of any grumpy tantrum he chooses to inhabit. Typically there is tickling and funny faces involved, and always self-deprication.

 

So yesterday, when I could sense these feelings swirling around in my body, bubbling up under my skin, my husband and I took a moment at lunch to just laugh — to laugh at the ridiculous things our puppies do, the faces our son makes at us, the utter state of chaos our house has become. It is not to diminish what I am feeling but just to give my emotions a an exit, so I can somehow become better acquainted with them on the outside world.

 

So a few things to keep in mind as we round out another WFH week:

1. Adjust your work obligations to take longer breaks. If you are struggling to manage your workload consistently over a period of a few weeks, speak to your boss about some rebalancing of your portfolio. Make him/her aware.

2. More than ever carve out a ‘true family time’ on the weekend. We’ve started doing movie nights, working our way through Pixar classics. Currently we are on Cars.

3. Take moments for yourself that are meaningful. Sit outside and just breathe. Take in the birds first thing in the morning. Enjoy the scent of spring flowers as you walk.

4. Have a date with your partner (where this is allowable by COVID rules). My husband and I were so lucky to get out to the Goodstone Inn last Sunday for brunch. Our first eating out just the two of us in over a year.

5. Reach out. Call a friend. Get on a FaceTime with your loves ones. If you are feeling low, or you know of someone who might be struggling today, consider going retro and just picking up the phone and calling them.

6. Watch one stand up comedian this week. I’m going to give it a shot. Let me know who you choose.