Hear Our Stories: Voices of Ordinary Parents Navigating Work, Life and Love

You came to Canada as a teenager and have lived your whole adult life there. Do you think any of your parenting style is informed by your British roots? And if so how might it differ to Canadian approaches?
 
I definitely see my parenting style influenced by my own upbringing, my family and of course mostly my parents. Like many of us, I parent more like my parents did than I ever thought I would! My mum always responded to falls/accidents, etc. with “well, you should be more careful!” I told myself I would be more sympathetic to my children but often find myself saying the same kinds of things. I'm clumsy when I'm not paying enough attention and I try to remind my children that they need to focus more on what they're doing. They do not always appreciate that advice!
 
I think I'm more focused on manners than some parents which is probably a result of growing up in Britain. I think politeness is important. I want them to say please and thank you and be really appreciative of things people give to them and do for them.
 
I try to teach my children that the most important characteristic is kindness, something which my mum and dad definitely tried to instill in me. I am most proud of my children when they are kind to others and I tell them that.
 
Canada has faced particularly prolonged periods of COVID prevention measures over the last 18 months. What did you learn about yourself? Your children? What, if anything, might you miss when things go back to 'normal'?
 
I have never been an impulsive or spontaneous person (far from it!) but as we come out of the pandemic (I hope), I find myself seizing opportunities more and saying yes to things that I might not have said yes to before. Yesterday my children asked if they could invite two friends (sisters) over for a sleepover before school starts. There are only two days before school starts so I said yes and we invited them over today. You just don't know what the next days or weeks are going to bring and I wanted my children to have some fun with their friends while they can. We're lucky that vaccination rates are very high in our community, and all of my girls' friends' parents are vaccinated so we've felt quite safe this summer but we don't know what the school year, with unvaccinated children being together, is going to bring.
 
I don't know if I'll miss anything if/when things go back to “normal”. We've never made ourselves very busy with activities, etc. so we've always had lots of family time. We have missed the activities our girls love (basketball) and we have especially missed travelling together so I am longing for the return of “normal” to do those things again.
 
How do you think our own neighborhoods, community, circle of friends could better support working moms and dads to achieve work-life balance? What does it mean in Canadian discourse?
 
One of the great things for our family during the pandemic is that we both worked mostly from home so we were able to take our children out of before and after school care. This has given them more time together, more time at home and more downtime. Eighteen months later, they are now aging out of childcare - our eldest daughter is 11 and a half - so we won't be putting them back into daycare even though we're gradually returning to work. It feels like we're in a different phase of parenting/child rearing. We just don't need the same kind of support that we did when our children were younger. We do have a great community through our school and our neighbourhood though and I have definitely relied on other parents to pick up our girls when I was stuck waiting for transit in a snowstorm, for example. And during the pandemic, our 17 year old neighbour took our girls for walks twice a week to get them out of the house when schools were closed, we were working from home and playdates and playgrounds were off limits. We feel very lucky that our girls know most of our immediate neighbours very well and could knock on their doors if they ever needed anything. I think that building a network of trustworthy adults and older children for your family is such a good and important thing to do. Then they have people to look up to, rely on and seek advice from.
 
How do you seek balance in your life?
 
I get outside. I grew up on a farm and while there are many things I love about living in a city - neighbours, walking to school/shops, biking to work, etc. - I do miss getting outside, walking through fields, spending time with animals. I try to walk, run or bike every day. Sometimes in our residential neighbourhood but often in a nearby urban forest which I love. I like to take my phone and earbuds and listen to a podcast there. Often something historical. It's such a great way to unwind and learn something new at the same time. I also love to walk with my children. We have all received Fitbits as gifts over the last year and we have a friendly daily competition to see how many steps we can walk and minutes of activity we can do each day. It's such a great way to stay active and motivated and to get out and enjoy fresh air together.
 
Describe your perfect day.
 
A strong cup of coffee, a long family hike, time with a good book and pizza with a bottle of wine outdoors for dinner.
 
What is the one thing you cannot do without in your daily life?
 
It's the same answer as how I seek balance: I have to get outside. I realized during the pandemic that even when everything was closed, as long as I could still walk outdoors, I was ok.  They closed some residential streets to traffic during lockdowns so that people could walk and cycle while physical distancing. This was such a gift! Even when it's -30 Celsius, I bundle up and get outside for some fresh air. I heard that there were times in other countries during the pandemic when people weren't allowed to leave their homes except for essential purposes and I thought that would be unbearable. I am so thankful to live in a safe neighbourhood and be able to get outside every day.