Redefining the summer vacation

 

Before child, the words swirled around in my mouth like a rich bite of chocolate ice cream. Perfect. Inviting. Delicious. 

 

Summer vacations consisted of equal doses of lolling in the sun, moving to improve body and mind, sleeping guiltlessly in the afternoon, and eating in the warmth of the long, sunny evening surrounded by bays of crystal blue waters and orchards scattered with fruit and olive trees. 

 

Enter child. 

 

Summer vacations were quickly replaced with the precarious balancing act of visiting grandparents and staying with in-laws. In the first years of being with child, summer vacations were fraught with tension and obligation—often at the expense of my own and my husband’s happiness. Both of us would return wounded to DC, scarred by the frustrations of living out of suitcases and feeling like we spent inordinate amounts of time trying to leave the vacation house with the right baby equipment at our fingertips. We felt stretched by the demands of family, and returned to work without feeling rejuvenated. Quite simply summer vacations no longer felt like a rich bite of chocolate ice cream.

 

Why is it important to call-out this ‘faux summer vacation’ conundrum so many young parents face? Because rest is critical to our health and overall well-being. Exploring new places or trying new activities stretches our minds and boosts our self-confidence. Being out in nature opens our eyes to the beauty of our planet. Importantly, as parents, vacation provides us with opportunities to turn outward, away from the daily stress and preoccupation of child-rearing. And with our child, adventures away from home strengthen our bond as we discover the world together. Given the intensity of the last one year, many of us are looking to the summer as a chance to really unwind and experience some normality again.

 

After four years of experimenting with the post-child summer vacation, my husband and I are inching towards something we can consider fulfilling. Part of it has to do with re-adjusting our own expectations of what summer vacation is. The other part has to do with setting our own boundaries when visiting family during the summer. 

 

Part 1, adjusting expectations: with an air of absolute seriousness two summers ago, my husband re-named the summer vacation, “family time.” We treat these visits not as a relaxing vacation but as a time to prioritize extended family being together. We also accept that there will be a little (if not a lot) of flexibility required to accommodate the wishes of our loved ones. Instead, vacation is something we do at other moments of the year —whether the two of us, or us and our son. For instance, two years ago, my husband and I hiked the coast of Portugal for a week, re-connecting in our relationship and with ourselves. This past January during COVID, we took a short trip to Miami with our son, and enjoyed a responsible, socially distanced sun retreat. I know of other friends who go to all-inclusive, child-friendly resorts. Others backpack and camp. Still others have stay-cations. Whatever it may be, make vacation yours. 

 

Part 2, setting boundaries: my husband and I have gotten pretty good at laying out a calendar for visits to grandparents. We establish when we will be available to share meals or socialise. We also book out time that we need as individuals, as a couple or as a unit of our family. As a result, we’ve managed in the last two summers to achieve some small moments of bliss. Two summers ago, I had the most perfect moment for 2 hours one afternoon as my son played in the water while my husband and I sat in beach chairs. I read two whole chapters of a book uninterrupted. I smiled fondly as my son jumped boldly in and out of the water. This past summer my husband, son and I managed several canoe trips up the York river which only involved a modicum of whining from our little one [hint: young boys are easily bribed with food].

 

After a lot of trial and error, we are managing to build a template that works for us. I’m happy to say that I am actually looking forward to ‘family time’ this summer. 

 

Stay healthy and safe,

Rachel

 

 

What are some of your best and worst family visits, and how do you best deal with them?