Self-Care the Working Parent Way

 

Even our 70 year old neighbor, lovingly nicknamed the Eternal Optimist, admitted that it’s been a tough, long, and somewhat dark winter. I’ve found myself having to be much more intentional about cultivating joy in my day-to-day as the restrictions on our lives continue.

 

In many discussions about dealing with the pandemic, the topic of self-care comes up. Self-care is viewed as one personal tool for navigating the emotional toil we are experiencing, thereby cultivating joy. 

 

Yet, the term “self-care” is tough for many of us working parents to swallow. Self-care can conjure up images of languid lunches at the Ritz followed by a spa date. Or perhaps a weekend in Napa Valley with the girlfriends. Self-care can be confused for selfishness or indulgence. One way to come to terms with self-care is to think of it as “the things that make me feel good.”

 

Why is self-care is so important in my view? In my book, The Little A to Z, I write about how self-care keeps me even keeled and (relatively) emotionally balanced, which in turn allows me to be better at managing the curve balls that daily working parental life throws you. The goal of self-care is for it to support us in being the best we can be in any moment—in our relationships both at home or at work. Given we continue to navigate probably the greatest health and economic crisis of our times, we need a lot of elasticity —aka resilience—to make it through. Self-care is an integral part of building and maintaining personal resilience, particularly in times of crisis.

 

So today I wanted to brighten your inbox by sharing with you a range of “things that are making me feel good” right now. The purpose being to remind us all that self-care can be free and effortless, if we choose. It can also be expensive, if we want. There is no right or wrong. It can span a range of disciplines and topics. In having even to think about the things that make us feel good we open our eyes to the beauty and wonder of the every day; a walking meditation into our daily lives and rituals.

 

So here it goes:

 

Walking the dogs: We bit the bullet in December 2020 and adopted 2 new dogs after our dog of 13 years had passed on July 1st 2020. Being able to get into the outdoors on a daily basis has been a real oasis for us as a family during the winter months of the pandemic. It gets our bodies moving and gets me out of the office chair. It makes me feel physically good.

 

Lemon verbena tea: Part of the wonder of having relocated to northern Virginia from Washington DC during the pandemic is the abundance of two-century old villages on our doorstep. One in particular, called Waterford, has this delightful shop aptly named The Cornerstore. Amongst a range of hand-selected artisan products you can find teas whose leaves are grown right in the Waterford communal gardens. I make it a ritual a few afternoons a week to boil the kettle and prepare a cup of this sumptuous tea. Its pleasing aroma makes me feel good.

 

Saturday morning folder: We are so fortunate that our son has been able to attend a small preschool in person every day since September 2020. Every Friday he comes home with a purple folder that contains all his completed work from that week. Instead of rushing to show it to us Friday night, I’ve started waiting until Saturday morning to open it up over breakfast. It makes me feel good to watch his eyes light up as he walks us through his achievements from that week.

 

Retreat nook/good sitting chair: Over the last four years we’d been living in two places, and not really living in either of them well. Being permanently settled now here in northern Virginia, we took some time to rearrange our home so we can actually live in it comfortably. One expense we have made is to buy comfortable sitting chairs for reading and congregating as a family. Having created these little retreat nooks I look forward every day to sitting down, even if only for 10 minutes, to read the paper or a book. We bought sitting chairs that were wide enough so that our son could nestle in one with us for reading time. It’s been a way for our family to physically connect which makes us all feel good.

 

Detective series: Seems slightly ironic that crime novels could be making me feel good right now. But they are. I am knee-deep into two totally different series. The first is by Louise Penny, a Canadian author. Besides the fact that the novels take place in my country of birth, they are delightfully descriptive and strong on character development. Her Inspector Gamache is a heartthrob of a man who continues to solve murders in a small town in the Eastern Townships outside of Montreal. The second is by Vikram Khan, a British author. His novels take place in Mumbai, and involves a retired Chief of Police and his darling side kick, Ganesh, who happens to be a baby elephant. The contrast of these two series is refreshing. I feel good that I am supporting our local library when I sign these out.

 

Westman Atelier: For those who have known me for decades, you’ll know I was never a makeup girl. A bit of mascara and that was about it. Well, after having to stare at myself on video conferences for months, combined with some increasing skin irritations from the face masks, and just the fact that I am no longer 30 years old, I was feeling quite unhappy with my face. I landed on Gucci Westman’s makeup line, Westman Atelier. With a few simple products that take less than 5 mins in the morning to apply, I find myself confidently bounding into my morning calls and my husband is always complementing me on my ‘glow.’ This makes me feel good!

 

Horseback riding: After 20 years out of the saddle, I polished off my boots this past spring and started riding a few days a week again. I can’t explain the elation felt at re-connecting with a hobby that over my entire childhood brought me so much joy and happiness. I feel young again.

 

Being grateful: Every night at the table before we eat, we hold hands and share what we are grateful for. I always wait with such anticipation to hear what my son and my husband are going to say—it can reveal so much about a person’s day. It makes me feel good to hear my son say “Bike riding with mommy” or “Playing cars with daddy” or he’ll just call out the name of a friend or neighbor. Practicing gratitude forces us to see beyond the myriad of difficulties of the day-to-day and to be reminded of all the blessings we indeed have —no matter how big or small.

 

Interested in further tips and resources? Check out these recommendations from my local library. Hint: Scroll down to recommendations for the week of March 4th on self-care. 

 

Be well and joyful, 

Rachel