"You Got You"

“You Got This”

“We are in this together.”

“Stay the course.”

These days I feel co-opted into a Nike commercial. Or better yet, I am that person who has just joined Crossfit, 20 years too late. I’m a bit flabby in the underarm, my knees are slightly creaky. If I try, I can feign the majority of the moves. But I just don’t feel I'm acing it like I would have in my early twenties.

This is how this pandemic we have tenderly come to know as COVID-19 makes me feel. Slightly out of shape for a marathon. Because this is tough. And though we may all be in it, let’s face it, we are not in it together. If anything COVID-19 has forced us to retreat into the nuclear family on a scale we have not experienced in generations. As a result, what I have gently come to acknowledge is that I don’t got it. 

Crises expose the cracks and fissures in any system —be it a home, organisation, supply chain or nation. In my own case, over the last few months, I’m proud to say that my husband and I have managed really well on the child care front. We are in that small margin of people who can say this, and there is not a day that goes by that we don’t say a genuine prayer of thanksgiving for it. We’ve retained enough muscle memory from our pre-homebound days to still navigate the shared responsibilities of the “9-5”. So why then do I feel like I haven’t got it?

Because of all the household chores —all those unpaid hours which add up. Pre-Covid we had been able to outsource all of it. Being without this precious help, I find myself doing laundry in between video conference calls, giving the toilet bowl a quick swish only when it is looking dire, and folding clothes while crawling into bed at night. Some may snub these as trivial dilemmas. But for all of us, during this time of intense crisis, the urgency of self-care is before us; and carving out a more equitable management of home responsibilities for dual-working parents is a critical piece to that well-being puzzle. 

The other day, I came to the stark realization that for many years now I had been paying for my domestic emancipation. Perhaps more sobering is my present gut reaction that once we emerge on the other side of this pandemic, I will gladly write cheques for my freedom once again. But before I pull out my cheque book, I've decided to resist the gut and challenge myself. Now that we know for a good proportion of us home-based work is here to stay, I've resolved to seize the moment and think differently. This is what I love about crises: knowing that something good will emerge from it. Humans are resilient by nature. We change and adapt to our evolving circumstances. If I hold firm to this very belief in my work, why not apply it here in my home?

Two weeks ago I started meditating on this. Last week I translated the meditation into an experiment. I let the toilet bowl get beyond my level of tolerance. Lo and behold, the other morning I found my husband scrubbing it, and showing our son how to do it too. I left the clean laundry on the bed twice this week, and did not touch it until my husband started folding first. I let the clothes bins overflow and found him doing a dark and light load this morning. I'm not suggesting that you employ passive aggressive tactics like me. What I am suggesting is that now is not the time to quit your job because the thought of cleaning the bathtub while talking to your colleagues is too much. Instead, sit down and think it through: What do I like to do? What don’t I like to do? When during the day is it important to have that small moment for me? Then have that tough conversation with your partner. Suggest you could make the bed together. Tell him or her that you are going out for a walk for pure pleasure. Don't do as I did, letting it all accumulate.

All you’ve got is ownership over yourself. And quite frankly that’s all you need.

“You Got You.” Now drop and give me 10.